


you'll never leave your body now

by XioNin



Series: Starman: Sander's Song [4]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Homophobia (mentioned), M/M, mental illness (hinted), s3 ep4 compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 14:24:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21357694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XioNin/pseuds/XioNin
Summary: Sander is numb.
Relationships: Robbe Ijzermans/Sander Driesen
Series: Starman: Sander's Song [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533593
Comments: 14
Kudos: 93





	you'll never leave your body now

**Author's Note:**

> I had to get this out. Couldn't let Friday afternoon's clip go by unanswered. Poor Sander...  
Sorry for any typos. This is very stream-of-consciousness stuff.
> 
> The title is from Bowie's "Silly Boy Blue"
> 
> Side note: I hope you are all okay.

Sander was numb. He was moving, though he hadn’t told his body to move. Breathing, though he had kind of forgotten how.

_You abused me_.

There were bees in his ears, getting louder with every step he took. Humming low at first, but then screeching.

“Move!”

A car horn blasted out of nowhere, and Sander looked around. He was in the middle of an intersection and people were yelling at him. Pointing at him and gesturing.

_You abused me._

He looked down at his feet, cast his eyes up to the sky. He didn’t know what to do, where to go.

“Are you alright?”

The woman’s voice was kind, her face full of concern. She reminded him of his mother’s friend, the one who always treated him like a porcelain doll. The one who thought he was contagious and never got too close.

_Stay away._

Sander opened his mouth but there was only a squeak, a pitiful sound he’d never heard himself make before.

“Sweetheart?” She was close, waving her arms at the onlookers. “Let’s get you out of the road.”

She was pulling on his arm and Sander let her move him, aware of all the eyes on him. Of all the whispers and pronouncements.

_“Crazy fucker.”_

_“Probably on drugs.”_

_“Should we call the police or something?”_

Panic seized his throat, spurring his voice into action. He snatched his arm out of her grip.

“I-I-I’m fine,” he said, though it sounded muffled. Like he was speaking from inside a giant balloon.

“Are you sure? Should I call-?”

“No!”

She jumped back, eyes wide, and glanced around.

“Sorry, I…” Sander needed to get away. He needed to not be _here_, where he could still feel Robbe’s words in the air. He was still too close.

He turned and walked away, ignoring the chorus of voices behind him.

“You idiot!” Someone yells after him. “Someone could have gotten hurt!”

Because that’s what he does, it’s who he is. But he never meant to be that, not to his parents, and not to…

No.

No.

He hadn’t done what Robbe said, he _couldn’t_ have. That’s not what happened, not on their beautiful night.

He…

_You got me drunk._

No.

Sander stopped on the sidewalk, all the pain and confusion threatening to double him over. Last night was too good, too pure. He couldn’t think of it any other way. He couldn’t. It wasn’t…

He dug out his phone, stuck his earbuds in. David would know how he felt, he always did.

_Look out my window what do I see_

_Crack in the sky_

_And a hand reaching down to me_

Sander closed his eyes and let the music wash over him, let the tears fall.

_All the nightmares came today_

_And it looks as though they're here to stay_

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't cried that hard at a clip since "O Helga Natt." It was so difficult to watch, and I don't know how Robbe and Sander will find their way back to each other. It's going to be a painful ride, but how beautiful it will be when they do.
> 
> The lyrics at the end are from Bowie's "Oh! You Pretty Things"
> 
> If you need to talk about the clip, hmu. My asks are open. You can find me on **[Tumblr](https://xionin.tumblr.com/)**  
There's also a Spotify a playlist: **[Click Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7IooNHSRGtEeQ3RjeRQwcn?si=q1l2SYTDTVi8eQRl7lIjGA%22)**
> 
> xoxo


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